


Guaranteed to Blow Your Mind

by Haydenn11



Series: Good Omens Greatest Hits [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Between the Scenes, F/M, Nanny Ashtoreth Appreciation (Good Omens), Nanny Ashtoreth is feeling herself, One Shot, Short, Song: Killer Queen, Songfic, like the queen she is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28254402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haydenn11/pseuds/Haydenn11
Summary: 3. Killer QueenNanny Ashtoreth surveyed her appearance in the mirror and found it inadequate. The most inadequate part of her appearance was the man shaped demon named Crowley, who currently stared out of the mirror at her, which is to say all of it.
Relationships: Nanny Ashtoreth/Brother Francis (Good Omens)
Series: Good Omens Greatest Hits [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069535
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	Guaranteed to Blow Your Mind

Nanny Ashtoreth surveyed her appearance in the mirror and found it inadequate. The most inadequate part of her appearance was the man shaped demon named Crowley, who currently stared out of the mirror at her, which is to say all of it. This form would never do. No self respecting American diplomat’s household staff would hire Crowley as a caretaker for a small child. The man shaped demon named Crowley winked a reptilian, yellow eye at her from the mirror, seemingly satisfied that no one would mistake him for a caretaker of small children. 

Nanny Ashtoreth snapped her fingers and her reflection morphed into a recognizable facsimile of Mary Poppins, complete with crisp blue suit, pink scarf, and bird-handled umbrella. The only discernible difference between her and Julie Andrews were the snake eyes that shone unblinking from beneath the brim of her flowered hat. Nanny Ashtoreth’s face twisted into a grimace. She supposed that from a parent’s perspective this was better than the man shaped demon named Crowley, but in so many other ways it was much, much worse. 

She turned this way and that as she inspected her outfit. It needed something. Less spoonful of sugar, more Moët et Chandon. Less practically perfect and more caviar and cigarettes. She snapped again and her reflection morphed on cue and this time Nanny Ashtoreth hissed softly in approval at what appeared. She looked like Mary Poppin’s sexy, goth sister. The suit was black and of a more severe, imposing cut. Her scarf was velvet now and a deep ox-blood red. Her nails and lips matched the scarf. Her vivid red hair was set into soft finger waves that framed her face below her neat black hat. She kept the bird-handled umbrella, but it was all black now and far more sinister looking that it had been previously. 

A few more turns in the mirror and Nanny Ashtoreth was satisfied. This appearance would do nicely. It had just enough Mary Poppins to make the disguise believable, and just enough of the demon Crowly to make it interesting. This appearance was sleek, well read, well spoken, and well traveled, but with an air of mystery, a hint of danger, and the unmistakable suggestion of luxury and indulgence. Nanny Ashtoreth wondered idly why she didn’t take on this appearance more often. There was something to be said for  feminine  beauty. 

“Guaranteed to blow your mind.” she sang softly to herself as she donned the sunglasses the demon Crowley had left on the dresser to hide her stubbornly serpentine eyes. 

* * *

A few hours later she was at a crosswalk near the American ambassador’s official residence. She was joined by a kindly looking man with white blond hair and old fashioned gardening attire, whom she did not know. 

“What do you think?” She asked him, gesturing to herself. 

Something like recognition dawned on the man’s face as he considered. Of course it wasn’t recognition, as they did not know each other, but it was like it. The definitely-not-recognition expression faded away as his blue eyes moved slowly down her body and back up to her face. The expression that replaced the first was not unlike awe and barely concealed lust. The man stared open mouthed at her for a moment longer before seemingly remembering himself and adjusting his features to something more appropriate. 

“You look like a perfectly adequate caretaker of small children.” He said, sounding ever so slightly breathless. “That is, of course, if that was the impression you wished to convey.”

“It is.” Nanny Ashtoreth replied in a sultry voice. “I’m seeking a position as a nanny in the ambassador’s household.”

“How serendipitous. I’m applying to be the new gardener.” 

The light changed and Nanny Asthoreth walked in step with her new companion the remaining distance to the ambassador’s house. 

“I suppose, if our endeavors are successful, we will be seeing more of each other, Mr.‒” She trailed off, unsure of the man’s name because, as established, they didn’t know each other. 

“Francis. Brother Francis, as it happens.” 

“Well, Brother Francis,” she held out her hand and peered her golden eyes over the tops of her sunglasses as he took it. “I do look forward to seeing much, much more of you.”

“Likewise.” Brother Francis managed, the breathless quality from before back in his voice. 

Nanny Ashtoreth strode away towards the front door without another word. Just as she climbed the steps she chanced a glance back at Brother Fransis and found him staring open mouthed and dumbstruck at her retreating figure. She smiled. 

Satisfied, she sang softly to herself as she rang the doorbell, “Guaranteed to blow your mind.”


End file.
